No More Barriers

It was saturday night, and it was dark and quiet. I lay there in his arms dreaming and being all happy, when i woke up. Suddenly. cold. sweaty.

I have a fear, a stark and paralysing fear of, using the bathoom in
a) public places
b) new / potential boyfriends houses.

and now, its 2.30am, and i have 3 choices, each as bad as the other.

The first is to lie in wait, and hope the cramping discomfort bubbling in my stomach will settle down and all will become quiet and peaceful in my world again.

The second is just go to the bathroom: ok, you would think except all that seperates his sleeping lovliness and my bubbly guts will be a thin sliding door and the silence of 2.30am.

The third is simply to do a runner. Yes, actually put my clothes on like a wierdo at 2.30am and walk out.. to hopefully find solace in a swift taxi journey and the inevitable "dancing on the doorstep" while digging in my handbag to find my key.

There are obvious pros and cons to all these options:

Option	Pro	Con
1	no noise	no relief
	no smell	pain
		tortuous wait
		he wont wake up and think i'm nasty!
2	Instant relief	noise
	can get back in bed after and be comfortable	smell
		he'll wake up and think im nasty!
3	my own bathroom	he'll think im odd leaving in the middle of the night
		he'll think im odd not using the bathroom
		he'll find my phobia bizarre
		there will be no taxis
		cannot go back to his after my escape
		dancing on the doorstep

Option 3 is out, so I'm not leaving, although its tempting- hum, I think a bit more, and drum my fingers on the bed....  weighing up the options again carefully.. And,  yes, option 3 is still definitely out.
Option 2 is a big NO. no way, too soon for that and way too soon for those barriers to be broken down...

So- Option 1 it is.
I roll over, snuggle in and hope for the best..... yawn.

4.10am. Shit, literally. Im awake again and now in alot of crampy pain and i now regret not taking a cab out of there 2 hours ago and making it home... now that is out of the question as there will be no taxi's and ill just simply explode, so without further hesitation Option 2 it is- and now under Emergency Circumstances.
I look over to him, he's sleeping, thankfully, so I make a dash for it, and pray that he is indeed a stubbornly heavy sleeper!

I hate the French at this moment for inventing the "en suite" bathroom as I let my guts go, the French are to glamorous and sophisticated to have bathroom issues, all frois gras and champagne: Not exactly the recipe for The Shits/ Shitting through the eye of a needle/ Bubbly Guts/ angry ass/ angry bum/ Shits/ Squirts/  Hershy Squirts/ Mud Butt/ Green apple Splatters/ assplosion/  angry booty/  bubbly bum/ Craps (the)/ Runs/  the Trots/ montezuma's revenge/ dysentry.......................

I lost not only my arse, I lost a little piece of my soul down that toilet bowl.
I got back into bed, back onto my side cold and a little un-nerved, but massively relieved.......
His warm body snuggled into mine, his heavy sleepy arm found its way round my waist.
and a kiss - a tiny little kiss at the base of my neck.








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Sack Race

There may have been a sack race on Friday night. I do believe that in the midst of an exceedingly good mood, a lot of laughter, a few giant Hoegardens and a few cheap 2-4-1 Martinis-  I may have stole a few peanut sacks from a local bar…Rammed them up my top  grabbed the guys that I was with and we ran for the road.

Then the sack race in the rain began. It was me VS an American chap with a full beard and a passion for photography…

In the rain, me in heels, in a sack which itched.

God dam, the American was speedy. An after a few jumps and laughing a lot I was out of breath and dead-ed, so we had a little sit down in the rain under our peanut sacks and pretended we were homeless. 4 of us huddled in the rain giggling like children

priorities?

The walking stick umbrella is a phenomenon. Im however, not sure how these 2 devices became hybrid-ised.

Lets look at the evidence:
 Definition:

Umbrella:  um·brel·la  ( m-br l )

Noun.

1. A device for protection from the weather consisting of a collapsible, usually circular canopy mounted on a central rod.

2.

a. Something that covers or protects.

b. Air cover, especially during a military operation.

3. Something that encompasses or covers many different elements or groups.

4. Zoology The gelatinous, rounded mass that is the major part of the body of most jellyfish.

Walking Stick: walking stick

Noun.

1. A cane or staff used as an aid in walking.

2. A stick insect, especially a widely distributed North American species (Diapheromera femorata) that is brown to greenish and usually inhabits deciduous trees.

Walking stick umbrellas-  Which is more important, walking safely in the rain? or stopping to shelter from the rain? Rain makes surfaces slippery, and therefore- surely a walking stick is required?

Anyhow, here is a picture or two of the aforementioned:

So, I googled- “walking stick Umbrella- Why?”

And got this: see 5th entry....

Yes, that says "real self defense / The Unbreakablewalking- stick Umbrella".

Self Defense.. ah, now i understand- its not about walking, or getting wet.

This I think,  is a far more interesting way to use the Umbrella/ Walking stick... its strong, and mean (and destroys watermelons!)

Imagine the scene!!

-----------------curious-------------------

Football crazy

Its Canada Vs. Paraguay, and after a steady and predictable start Canada has faultered, with a break in contact and a lack of previous form. Paraguay quick on approach, and hasty in reprise comes in with a cheeky upfront tackle and lands a blinder late in the game….

Canada slow to respond and relaxed, calmly and carefully prepares to take back what was previously won.

 As I quietly wait, always waiting- rubbish at the game, with breath that is bated, on the edge of my seat for the latest developments.

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friendly chat

housemate 1: "I have an armpit rash, its itchy- look!!! it sore, look it goes right back there"

housemate 2: "Have you got an STD?"

me: "has someone been wanking in your armpit....? your gross"

Feo

patito feo, 

such beautiful eyes

this is why i hate i-phones.

In the words of "mary"

I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

opulence

Yes. I went to posh brunch with posh people for a friends birthday. good company. good food. but $200... yes actually, $200.

now, to bed. food coma.

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Unamused

My "twinkle of filth" was out on saturday night, it was a relitively uneventful night, but it was good to catch up. He has now left Singapore and is moving back to his home in LA.  I can hardly blame him, he was a bit wacky for Singapore.  

I attempted to go out this weekend, Friday I headed out to a BBQ and then out for a drink, but as soon as I got in the cab after the BBQ I instantly regretted it and really wanted to go home, so arriving at the pub, I got out of the cab- and straight into another one and went home.

My low mood has been persistent for a few weeks now, i'm feeling drained and achey. 

I don’t know why.