food for thought

a friend said to me today:

"you show me the most beautiful woman in the room, and i'll show you a man who's tired of fucking her"


he followed up with, "if you eat pizza everyday, one day- you'll want pasta"











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"...lack of humor one of the great drawbacks of my condition." Bauby

Today I learnt about a few things:

1) Locked in syndrome: essential reading: "The diving bell and the butterfly" by Jean-Dominique Bauby
"Since the demarcation line [of his paralysis] runs across my mouth, I can only half-smile, which fairly faithfully reflects my ups and downs."
"I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory"

2) Question: How do planes get transported when they are being built, what is big enough to move them?
Answer: the "beluga"     Link>THE BELUGA VIDEO<Link, and Link>Beluga info<Link

3) Sisyphus was a hero. of sorts.

4) If you say "sponges" in Singapore people don't know what you are asking for. Try "spangis" but not "spungees" for instant results. If you still don't get what you want, try miming taking a shower/ a bath in the shop.

5) I have a thing for Ugly animals: Animals of the day include:

pimp my ride

birthday

its my birthday today.

im still in bed.

hiding.

maybe i wont get old this way

Monster Fish

It’s been a while since I last wrote, as I have been trying to think of stories or events that start with anything other than… “When I was drunk at the weekend”

Im feeling a little despondent today and I suppose this will come across in the tone of this entry. Its not that I haven’t had fun recently, I have… but i'm tired today. Too much out and about, and clearly, not enough sleep.

Since I last wrote to the internet world I profess that not a lot of anything interesting has happened… I have a few updates for you.

Last Friday was distinctly un-eventful. I went out for a little while, but felt a bit bored of it all and soon went home. I was out with hot board shorts and his friend early in the evening, and met my housemate a little later in the night but I just wasn’t in the mood for anything so was home tucked up in bed by 2am.

Saturday however, was- well interesting… I went out to an Italian restaurant with Mr. Dom Perignon. It was very amusing; he is 58, charismatic and funny. I did actually have a very good night, and a VERY good meal. I was thoroughly spoilt with good food and great champagne and red wine… the company was good too, I didn’t know what to expect after I had previously said I’d go to dinner with him for a laugh as friends – and it transpired to be a really good night with intelligent and amusing conversation, lots of stories being exchanged and laughing a lot. After dinner we met a few of his and my mutual friends and partied the night away. No drunken stories to tell, just a good night out.

On Sunday my day consisted of sleep mostly and then a barbeque Stingray and a chili crab for dinner.

I have seen the banker a few more times in a 1-on-1 situation. We have seemingly slipped into something that resembles a relationship…He and I have been out and about to the cinema for an actual proper date, drinks out, and dinners and we have hung out at his place a few times… watching guilty pleasure TV and eating pizza. It has become a little blissful escape from drinking, partying and, frankly, it’s nice to have a cuddle.

I have however, discovered recently and rather shamefully that I have developed an interest in “monster fish” programmers. Basically some loon goes on a jaunt round Thailand catching and re-releasing monster fish. There are massive bad ass Catfish and the scary hard headed thug of the pond the Arowana.

These men are nuts (see the one in the middle- he's orgasmic... look at his excited little face!!) And clearly so am I - me and monster fish, who knew?! (Well I had previously suspected something may be wrong with me when I used to record and u-tube episodes of “The Deadliest Catch”) but anyway, I don’t judge.

On Wednesday night after work I went for dinner with ‘big buttons’, we popped out to a Japanese sushi place. - didn’t have much to say to each other, we were both tired and actually, I suppose didn’t really want to be there. We rarely sit quietly staring into our bowls of Ramen, but I suppose, sometimes it happens. We should have waited till the weekend when we were both a bit more on form

boo- bad mood

God awful day.

Probably my own doing- my mood provided a catalyst to a horrible day and lots of frustration.

Tomorrow i will get out of bed on the right hand side.
The left side, is clearly, the wrong side.

Quiet Saturday

Drink 2 x vodka coke
Cinema - hang over 2
home
Bed

2.30am. knock- knoch, ....."eh, hey... wake up. i puked on myself."

my housemate just got in.

I'm feeling very full of my own self importance. ha ha your drunk.

Safety first

                                                                              The best way to not get pregnant - abstinence...

The second best- Condoms (good ol' durex!)

That’s how I approached the weekend.

The best way to not get drunk- Abstinence....

The second best- Work

Yes- work.

Friday me and my 2 colleagues decided just a few drinks after work and home by midnight may be the “condom” approach to remaining sober- with a little self control, we’ll be well protected and prepared for  the evening.....

Off we went to meet hot board shorts and his spectacular girlfriend. I decided to put on a dress worth $1000 Fabulous pink silk and covered in bows. Honestly I’m in something of a crazy mood and I’m feeling flamboyant... but with work tomorrow I will be sensible... even the “martini” bar is not making me want to party....

So we all leave- 10:30pm. Result.

Home please... ‘Oh no correction- uncle- Clarke quay please!!’

Shit, dam and twat.

I’m in Clarke quay its 11pm and i'm running for my life across a 4 lane road, dodging cars and taxis and rick-shaws (Rickshaws yes?!) and i'm being hottly persued by my colleagues giggling and shouting... "To the whisky bar!!!) "Quick quick we only have an hour and then we'll be pumpkins"....

Who ordered the vodkas? And oh god not another whisky.... Bollox to you Whisky bar, you are silly and I am leaving immediately.... and Boom we have arrived in the heavy metal bar: "just 20 minutes guys, it's nearly midnight' says colleague number 1...  and we are being greeted by ‘I can’t see you anymore as you make me use condoms...’ and he’s smiling at me like a man possessed, he's all gorgeous and a bit sweaty from his first set, and his hair is all floppy and gosh he's cute...  he approaches with arrogance and confidence, steals a cigarette from my box and says, “hey baby, you know I leave in 3 weeks wanna get together........? NO NO NO NO NO, go away and put my cigarettes down (you thieving bastard). God he is so Hot, but still NO!  and Mr. “I like you and really want to date you. But I have a Fiancée and a 4 year old daughter” is winking at me from the bar and waving a vodka bottle as a "hello"

<Enter, Stage Right> All of a sudden gorgeous manager sweeps in with 3 vodka lemonades and that is it. me, and my colleagues (who are working at 8am) are in trouble.

“Don't look at me, i'm not drinking it”.... exclaims one 

“Me neither” says the other...

And the devils on my shoulder screams- “fuck ‘em, drink drink!!”

George Cruikshank: 'Alcohol, Death and the Devil'

"Well- I’m staying then....come on girls (whining voice) don’t leave me here... one more, one just one..."

“Ok- 15 and I mean 15 minutes”

So I’m all happy again, having a drink and batting my perfectly painted, ‘i’ll give you a blow-job if you’re lucky’ eyes at the band....

<Enter, Stage left>  God amongst men... tall and gorgeous “where are you girls going?” 

“Oh, she’s making me leave we have to work in the mor.... gosh, you have lovely eyes, hey- (to colleague number 1) have you seen his eyes?”

“Oh my gosh, wow, you have lovely eyes where are you from?”

Him “Norway”

Me: “really- cold!”

Him – ha ha, “so fancy a drink”

Me “sure, but you’ll have to persuade her”

Colleague number 1- “no, I’m going I’m working

“Oh come on he’s fabulous, look at his eyes”

Colleague 2 “no don’t, stop it, we’re going”

“No no, come on look at his eyes... actually on second thoughts, don’t”

Him:  “why?”

“Just don’t look”

Him, “stay for a drink girls”

“Look at his eyes, like actually look no don’t look actually....  seriously don’t, he’ll make you stay here, and drink, He'll turn you to stone,”

Colleague 1: <high pitch and squealy> “aaaahhhhh!!!”

“Told ya! Stone... nice eh!?”

Him- “3 vodkas and a pint please!!!”

So we stay, 1am: drinks, 2am she’s kissing him, he actually is freezing her to the spot – he is gorgeous.

3am... oh god WORK! 

“TAXI!”

tarot

I dont normally go in for any spiritual l nurturing, but tonight whilst browsing the internet i was offered a free online tarot card reading....

so i thought why not....
and this is what it said, (i must say, i'm intrigued)

The Shadow Truth spread provides insight into your attitudes and hidden feelings. This spread is used when you are having trouble confronting something, or fear that you are concealing something from yourself.
	The card in the center represents the attitude you assume. The Sun: A time of contentment and freedom from restraints. Creative inspiration. Achievement, success, and warmth. Light and love in personal or business matters. Happiness and faithfulness in a relationship.
	The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. King of Wands: The essence of fire behaving as air, such as lightning: A great and daring leader who inspires others to rise to challenges alongside him. An artist who can take hold of an idea and make it a reality through bold action. One who is forceful, charismatic, and honest, leading by example, but unafraid to invest authority in others. A dashing and magnetic personality, carrying authority naturally, and striking at the world with swiftness and grace.
	The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. Seven of Pentacles (Assessment), when reversed: Labors abandoned before completion. Impatience, lack of effort, and the wasting of time. Idle and unprofitable speculation.
	The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. King of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water behaving as air, such as rain clouds in a gray sky: A pillar of maturity and patience, hiding a deep insecurity and an indecisive nature. One who secretly lusts for power, but lacks the courage, intellect, or work ethic necessary to take it. A charming seducer who appears innocent and understanding, but is in fact selfish and unfaithful.
	The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. The Hermit, when reversed: Detachment based on fear, irresponsibility or naiveté. Self-imposed isolation from friends and loved ones. Listening to the wrong advice or ignoring good counsel. Concealment, disguise, and unreasoned caution.

Mr Dom Perignon

Allow me to first, set the scene.

Its 11am, and I’m in bed, it’s raining, grey and cold. Which is deceptive- It’s cold due to the air con that is blasting at 16 degrees (it's not actually 16 degrees, I think the air con is broken) and it is actually raining but I think it looks worse as there is condensation on my windows.

I have the “I poo” on next to me, it’s playing the likes of Bach, Debussy and Mendelssohn which is an attempt at being slightly more cultured and knowledgeable about music.

Life is all about the balance right? Eat 5 a day and do sport, then the cheeky Mc Donald’s you had “last night” is ok... and balance classical music with heavy metal, relaxation with chaos etc etc.

Oh there is a bucket besides me. In my balanced life of- work and sleep in the week... that means no sleep and excessive drinking at the weekend.... 

So this morning I write on my dinosaur of a computer which is slow at best. I have no letter ‘T’ or number ‘5’ due to a particularly vigorous cleaning session with a hoover (vacuum cleaner) where I sucked them clean off! And there are alot of ‘T’s in what I’m trying to tell you.... so here goes.

Friday night I met up with ‘hot board shorts’ and his gorgeous girlfriend some extras and few colleagues. For a few quiet drinks... it all started sober and nice, a beer or two, and then in he walks, the ’wanker banker’ who for the record is the least wanker-ish person I have ever met. He is cute and funny and well, kind of lovely. I always like it when he is around, he makes me all funny  on the inside, kind of nervous.... so, we drink some more and wash our beers down with a few whisky chasers (which is never a good idea) and then on to that bloody cocktail bar. It’s always interesting when 2 for 1 martini's are involved.

I just received a text from a friend regarding last night (sat):

Him: ‘Oh double hangover... how’s your head?’ my reply ‘I feel like shit, a big shit... and like someone has shit on my brain’

I digress. Back to the Martinis.

actually, not yet, back to the texts – his reply has actually made me cry laughing, and bang- a flash back!

Him: ‘that’s a bit descriptive...take it your still in bed “sister”’

Me: ‘Yes, I’m still in bed. I dunno why I was telling everyone in the bar that you were my brother... someone actually thought that Drew Barrymore is my older sister too. Your text made me cry laughing’

Him: ‘last night was a blur- but I remember that. Where did you end up?’

  

Me:  ‘came looking for you, but you were chatting up a girl and I didn’t want to cramp your style- plus the gorgeous married tourist was still in the bar, and that could have been naughty- so I went home’

Him: ‘why did you leave me? You should have stayed around- I was talking to anyone that had a pair of boobies. You would have done me a favour! What you up to today?’

Back to Martini Friday before we get to Saturday.

SO I’m in 2 for 1 cocktail bar when he starts making long, lingering eye contact at me. Hot board shorts is telling me to go for it, and that he has never seen the wanker banker so receptive to a flirt and, with hot board shorts practically whooping on the sidelines I’m in ... like a shot, all flirting and hair tossing – now this is not the first time I have had a sexy run in with the banker, but that ended abruptly with him revealing he was dating someone... and now here I am, he is now single and oh god ... he’s kissing me.

All of Saturday I was smiling like a dickhead.

Me: ‘I’m still in bed, still drunk I think reckon I’ll be here a while just catching up with e-mails etc think I have a date later’

Him: ‘oh really.. you think? Was going to see if you wanted to come over- bring breakfast!!’

Me: ‘ cheeky fucker- I’m still drunk , but breakfast would be smashing... but the process of getting to breakfast via the shower is far too traumatic just now. Turning an oil rig into an oil painting is not easy on a hangover and I don’t wanna poke my eye out with the mascara’....

Him: ‘no don’t worry about that... just chuck on a fur coat and jump in a cab, I have a double hangover and feel rough’

Him: ‘Actually- it doesn’t need to be a fur coat- just a long one’

What the fuck!? Brilliant.

Saturday:

Went to meet a few friends out and about, didn’t intend for a crazy one at all... however, the sound of champagne corks popping is still ringing in my ears.

Well, I met this guy- sounds promising- it’s not. I was in a bar and he- aged 58, decides he wants to get to know me and my 3 girlfriends- so he starts pouring whisky (yum- my purist love of single malt Scottish whisky was polluted by Canadian Blend last night) and orders 2 more bottles. At his point loads more of my friends randomly rock in to the bar, a flamboyant combination of style, colour, fag hags, the best looking gay guys you’d ever see, beautiful girls who are instantly turning heads and us... and the party really gets started. 58 year old American says to me in his southern drawl- ‘ do you drink champagne’ well not like that-  more like ‘da ya laaik cham- pain’

Charmed... ‘Why yes indeed... I dooooo like champagne........... and so do they’... I said pointing at my girlfriends... 

‘Well I didn’t ask if they liked champagne, I asked if you do!’

So I wink, my best sarcastic wink and say ‘we come as a package’....

Mr Dom perignon

20 minutes later the hot tourist appears, now I will name him here, which is rare as I don’t name people, but Hugh is leaving in the morning and so it doesn’t count...  So he is on the dance floor with what can be described as a beautiful prostitute fawning all over him, and I catch his eye- and make the cash ‘finger rub sign’ and the international sign for “sex” (which I’m not even going to try and describe here) and quick as a flash.. He comes for a chat... poor bastard, didn’t know she was a hooker and is married. And hot for the record.

So Hugh is all like ‘what are you celebrating?  That’s a pretty fancy bottle of vintage bubbles your drinking’.... can’t say I’d noticed (what a waste champagne is on me!!)

I had a look- Dom Perignon – Fancy.

Still, completely wasted on me...

3 bottles of Dom (whoever he may be) and whisky chasers (4 bottles of finest Canadian blend)

Today- I have alcohol poisoning... and a date.... I think.

how to catch a tiger: China Style

Hillarious: this is very "kill the beast" (beauty and the beast style!!)

 This news story certainly made me chuckle today.

LINK >>> Catch Me If You Can!!  <<< LINK