Its been a terribly long time since I have posted bountifully to my blog, Granted I have just had 3 weeks in Japan, which I may like to add, I will have to tell you all about in retrospect, but I just feel like sharing a little story with you all.
My Blog is rarely deep and meaningful or indeed cleaver or charming... however this little scene which was played out before me recently, actually brought a tear to my eye.
The back story to which I shall tell you:
Sitting on a deserted beach in the rain on Shiraishi Island in Japan was well, plain boring, the I- pod brought no joy and I was skipping fretfully through tracks of meaningless drivel when I heard an old track which made me think about the past. It is a truly shit song, Travis’"In my Perfect Heaven Space" which shot me right back to a dreary day back at home in the UK on my ex’s bed. This is the Ex I was with for years and years....
“The answers in the question, I hope you don’t ask”
Well, maybe it’s time to ask the question....
So moodily I shut off my I-pod and sat on a beach in a cardigan in Japan and thought of you. For a long while.
I shut you out of my thoughts on that cold beach, locked you in the very recesses of my stupid wandering mind- where you should remain until I’m ready to shake you free of the tormented cage I have created for you. Then I will gloriously roll you up into a ball and kick you off the balcony, a long drop into the dark to a hard concrete slab where I will watch your lifeless, thin papery body until I will have nothing but silence and freedom. And, in the space of your cage, I will be fill it with glorious beautiful birds that will tweet and sing and fly – for I will be free from tormented thoughts of you.
That is until a young boy and a young girl showed up in my life.
I’m waiting at the train station on a sunny Saturday morning, back in Singapore, back in my comfortable rut of routine. When a young family walk by, a young boy and a young girl, 2 ladies and a gentleman. I’m perched awaiting the train when the family split up. The boy and his parents on one side, travelling one way and the young girl and her mum travelling the other.
I hear the young girl say “but I don’t want him to leave me” and her mother say “but it’s time to go, and we must leave”
The young boy mocks the young girl and says “bye Aditya, bye” , and his mother hands him a toy, to which he hurries over to her and hands it to her, “you can play with this while I’m gone” and Young Aditya takes the boy toy and stuffs it in the pushchair and smiles at him.
The young girl says “but mummy I don’t want to go, I may not get to play with him again”
And with this her mother bundles her up onto her hip, to which a small sad face of Aditya pokes up over her mother’s shoulder, her pig tails getting in her face which was already wet from sobbing and extends her arms to him. The train pulls in on his side, and he looks over, waves and says “bye Aditya” she ignores his goodbyes and he shouts “bye” at her urgently as the doors close on him.
Aditya then waved and sobbed into her mother’s shoulder and said- heartbreakingly – “I wanted to play he’s my friend”
I sat there so sad for her. I knew in an instant how she felt, so sad at losing her friend, and how innocent she was.
If only she knew that this pattern would emerge time and time again in her life.
So I sat there at the station, the train and heartbroken Aditya had left, so freed you from your cage- and shook you out all over the floor of the station, the cage which is only filled with you, memories, darkness and sadness. And had a little cry.
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