I "discoverey-ed" TV.

Simply, the worst thing that ever happened to me, was, and still is:
"Discovery Home & Health" channel. This little Gem on Cable T.V. Singapore frankly is spoiling my very existence:

basically there are a few shows which are on constantly:

1)'I didn't know i was pregnant' is frankly harrowing, it is about women who- didn't know they were pregnant. Basically 19 year old girls screaming blue murder in reconstructions, and having babies in the toilet/shower/car/bath/university dorm room/nightclubs/caravans, and well, when their mothers find out, they are overjoyed.

What I have learned: you can be pregnant- and not know, you can have a baby in a toilet, having a baby makes you scream like an idiot, babies born to these mothers who smoke and drink- have healthy babies (curious?), Mothers (or grandmothers of the babies) are overjoyed by a surprise arrival, pregnancy may not have symptoms.

2) 'Say yes to the dress' - bizarre program where brides go nuts in a wedding shop with multiple family members scream their delight or disgust at multiple dress selections brought to the nervous/neurotic bride who diligently accepts trying the dress on and cries at the "you look fat" criticism, and the "yes- thats the one!!!" comments.

What I have Learned: all the dresses on the show are ugly, and never take your miserable sister or a fashion designer bridesmaid- they will tell you "you look fat"

3) 'Jon and Kate- plus 8' - "i had twins at 22 and at 28, sextuplets!!!" frankly another weird program , and incidentally, Jon, has an affair and leaves Kate- Plus 8.

What I have Learned: All men are bastards, Never have 8 children- especially 6 at once - ouch.

 4) BridalPLASTY- yes thats right, lets have a competition, 12 brides, 1 house, lots of bitching, and a surgery every week for the "best bride" after having a competition to see who can: design their own dress/make a bouquet etc.... the winner gets a boob job/tummy tuck/nose job... and the GRAND WINNER wins, a total body re-sculpture, the wedding of their dreams and- the title "the PERFECT BRIDE"

What I have Learned: the man of your dreams and society and TV think your ugly and need plastic surgery. I will never be the perfect bride- as ill never go on this show (i'm very upset about this!!) , it essential to have a low self esteem before your wedding, and Lipo-suction wont rid you of your double chin.



SO- Discovery home and health has to go. There are other shows, all equally as shallow and bizarre:
'little people big world' about a midget/dwarf family?
'17 kids and counting' 1 family, 1 female with a wizards sleeve!
'rich bride, poor bride'
'downsize me' about fat people
'human stories' mostly about fat people


There is a theme here, weddings, being fat and babies.

all i have figured out, is that my life is not complete, as i'm not married,  i don't have babies (but according to program 1- i could be pregnant), and i'm fat (according to bridal Plasty- obese, and according to downsize me- my only goal in life is to shoot myself)



so please excuse me, i'm tired and craving Vegemite on toast.
 I could be overworked, and hungry, but i am not sure, so i'll pee on a stick,
just in case-
'I didn't know I was pregnant'

Seriously- Who knew- 9 months pregnant and this slim- shock!